I'm something more than just a blue eyed metaphor.

day 3..

eh, last night was okay..
went out and had fun.
1 new message: David: “Goodnight”
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is what i was thinking…
i love you,
i love you,
goodnight,
i miss you,
a few more days,
i wish i could kiss you,
i can’t wait til i see your face…
ect..
“Goodnight to you as well”
“Crossing the line to say I love you?”
—-David:”I don’t know the lines either, but I love you too.”

sigh,
i woke up this morning,
went to watch the vikings game at b dubs,
went to the y—- for too long
came home..
it’s been a good day,
i guess you could say.
i’m finally coming to the realization i’m okay for today, and i’ll be okay tomorrow.
i just want to know we’re going to be okay.

“Krystal, I really want you to take this time and figure out what you deserve, what you really want.”

-time is an essential for any healing.
when you are with someone all the time, you fight.
when you fight, and you are still together all the time, the intensity of your fighting becomes worse. i have come to understand that.

when someone needs their space, give it to them. there is no need to be together everyday, give room to miss eachother. as bad as it sounds, i like to miss you.

don’t sweat the small stuff. why are you reacting over the littlest things? there is no need, i’d say life is too good to make it a living hell.

you do not always need to be the center of attention. he loves you, its okay if he doesn’t concentrate on you every waking moment of the day.

over the past 3 days, i have come to understand all of these factors.
they are very important for any relationship and i am glad that i have come to terms with them.
hopefully i have the time to prove them in order to rekindle my broken relationship..
♥

wish me luck.

you’re not the person i thought you were.

i sit here as i listen to some old school Bad Company.

i have no words, no emotion. if i had to speak, i wonder what would come out..

no one knows how bad i want a beer right now, or any alcohol for that matter.

ugh. so, a special friend had given me some very good advice today, im not sure how much i took it to heart and listened, but oh do i wish i could have.

whats so wrong with love? clearly there has to be something. as to being the most precious thing in the world, in a flash it can turn into the ugliest thing i have ever seen. seriously, oh how i wish i could have the ability to have a one night stand, be so indepedent that i didnt rely on love, be the person who is happy… being alone.

its so hard for me to do that. i live for love and i love to live.

it’s not that im afraid of being alone, thats not it. its that i can’t stand losing someone i love.
i’m that scared.
actually, in this situation, im not really sure who that is.. who do i love?
two days ago i would be able to tell you everything about him, anything you would want to know. without a doubt.
now that today comes, i can’t even breathe without a doubt..

the world and its people blow my mind, how someone can tell you day in and day out they love you, you’re the love of my life, and be hiding such things, and better yet, lying to your face.
if that isn’t a stab in the back i can’t think of much worse.

now, i’ve been through a lot of shit, and maybe enough is enough.
when you climb so far in, take so many steps back, is it time to turn around and shut the door?

i can’t think that i’m possibly able to make a decision in 24 hours do i?
i hope not.

like he said, make a list, what do you want?

what do i want?
do i even know what i want?
does anyone?
does he know what he wants?

my mind is so boggeled up.. « is that a word? «i hope so.
im at an intersection with no signs telling me where each direction is going.

its like im numb to this.
seriously… when he hurts me with something so little as just wanting to hang out alone tonight, i tear up, get so defensive and over react, but when something with an intense severity comes along, i put it away and don’t know what to think.

what am i supposed to do?
where am i supposed to turn?
second chance?
third chance?
fourth?
how many does someone get? is it like cats, which have 9 lives? or am i way off..
i guess it all depends on how the person looks at it.

humph… clearly he’s not too worried about this, hasn’t tried talking, or wanting to talk..

i’m frustrated..
i now feel like crying..
hold back or let it out?

goodnight.

=]

i am now an applebuddy..

i quit bdubs..

applebees, here i am.

a new turn in events?

i kinda like it!

college man, college.

boo for the 1st day of college starting tomorrow.

here’s to the coldest summer i have ever experienced.

cheers to the shortest summer of all the millenium!

=[

hello college.

ugh, college man.